[ADVICE] DH is soooo bad with money :(

[Marley&Me]

Thanks Saffy, I feel your pain So glad he pulled his finger out and realised he needed to change.

We just had a chat then actually. He agrees that his spending is out of control and that something needs to be done. We agreed that I now leave him $100 a week ( it used to be $200) for beers/cigarettes etc and whatever he doesn't spend he will try to save. The rest goes into a separate account I have that he can't touch. I will keep paying bills and groceries from my account and just pay rent from the other account.
His biggest issue is the lack of savings in his account because we really need the record for the banks when we go for a house loan. But they did say that even though he can't touch the other account, just seeing his money go into it and build up will be enough for them to approve a loan.

FX it works because I am not sitting at home with a screaming baby and no car because we can't pay for it to be fixed. Or no food because we can't pay for groceries.....you see where I'm going!

[Marley&Me]

sorry ... I think I killed your thread!

LOL, no you didn't. All very helpful Sometimes I think I've killed someones thread too, it's like as soon as I post no one else wants to

[Saffy]

everyone's advice was worth reading, I enjoyed all the tips and so glad to hear there are other DH's like mine!

[Gigi]

Peanutter, i think your advice was sterling. Thank you so much, for taking the time to type that all out, i found it very useful.

[LionsandBears]

I am the one who is bad with money in our relationship. I've improved but that took years & I even had hypnotherapy. I'm still crap but not as bad. Paying off my eternally refinanced personal loan & getting rid of my credit card was a big step for me.

Peanutter's advice was brilliant. In addition, I recommend you reading either the Barefoot Investor or the Richest Man in Babylon. The advice in the latter is to work out your income. Either reduce your expenses to 70% of your income or increase your income. Save 10%. Pay yourself first. This means taking 10% as soon as you get paid & putting into savings. The other 20% is there to pay off debts, if you have them. It goes on to explain how to work out which debts to pay off first.

A programme I've used is called Simply Budgets. They also have a Debt Busting program which works out the debt repayment for you. The budget program is good, in that you learn to budget for both long term & short term goals. So if you need a new fridge or car in 5 years, you'll have the money accrued. I'm still working on that part.

Btw, the idea of one person in control of the money isn't new. My grandfather used to come home from work & hand his entire pay packet over to grandma. She'd give him his spends & then split the rest between jars. One jar was for electricity, one for gas etc.

[Amy_jellybean]

All brilliant ideas, just subbing so I can come back later when im not at work and read properly.

[Marley&Me]

You know, it's funny because all the people i know have savings and are paying off their own home, drive new cars, have money to splurge with. But all the people that DH knows all have no money, are renting, drive old crappy cars or have a gambling problem. So in his eyes he thinks we are doing ok! But in my eyes we could be doing so much better.

Maybe he needs to spend more time with my friends

[peanutter]

I think it also depends a lot on what you each want ...

I have some friends who travel every year - it's just part of their routine. So $5K to go to Fiji or Bali or somewhere, or $8K to visit family in America or England or wherever - it's part of what to them is "necessary". DH and I on the other hand very rarely travel other than for work.

We however spend quite a bit on books ... I will go to the library for DS's library group, but I won't go to borrow books - I don't like having a time limit on my reading, I read books on the train and in the bath etc so they're liable to get knocked about a bit, and I like being able to underline things, highlight things, lend the book to others, etc - so we spend quite a bit on books, which others might think is a waste ...

Clothes is another perfect example - the most I've ever spent on a pair of shoes was $129 for a really, really nice pair of work shoes that lasted me over 4 years. Next expensive were my wedding shoes ($99.95) and most shoes I buy are between $10 and $35, with the exception of gym shoes (normally about $80, and which last me 3-4 years). But lots of people buy new shoes every few months, and will spend $100 or $200 without blinking - because that's what the shoes they like cost. And same thing for general clothes - ask 5 different women how often they buy a new piece of clothing, and you'll find someone who gets something most weeks, others who update once a season, and one who buys a few key pieces every year ... and then ask them how much they would spend on a nice dress, a warm coat, a smart jacket and a work shirt - and again, you'll get an incredible breadth of answers ... meaning you'll find people whose annual clothes budget for the household is $300, and others who could almost eliminate world debt if they op-shopped for a year or two

Food shopping is another really key one. I know people whose shopping budget for 2 people is $65 a week, and other friends whose budget (also for 2) is $500 not including wine and take out ... I thought she was kidding, until I went shopping with her one time

But you and your DH need to know what you spend your money on - and what you're happy for it to go on ... none of this is judging people who are thrifty or people who enjoy spending the money they've earned - it's all just things which you and your hubby need to be on the same page on, so you can make a plan and make some progress.

[Marley&Me]

Yeah I know, what I consider important DH sometimes does not. But most of the time we agree on what we should be putting our money into and what we cant. Some friends of mine will happily fork out $200 for a pair of jeans or a haircut ( my aunty is a hairdresser and does my hair full head foils and a cut $30 ) and I just can't justify it. Luckily me and DH are on the same page when it comes to things like that. His spending is more on absolute crap like too many beers, lending $50 to a lousy friend who never pays him back, petrol in the car when somebody else needs a lift somewhere, expensive car parts for a job he never gets around to doing etc etc.

*sigh* I have a feeling that 2012 will be a good year though, FX

[Astrid]

Tasha - just wondering how things are now?

[Marley&Me]

Hi Astrid
Things are a little better with the money situation, however now that he only gets an allowance there is always something i need to withdraw money for. For example: Truck driving lessons (he is upgrading) and more car things So I am putting most of it back into his account.
And now he actually has no job because the place he worked has screwed him over, hence upgrading the license to start work with someone else.
2012 has started off worse than 2011 unfortunately, but thank you so much for asking

[Astrid]

My DH did the truck driving lessons as well! I cashed in some share options just so he could do it (my hard work got me those options). Paid off well for us in the end though.

[Marley&Me]

We are hoping it will pay off for us too! Just got to find an employer that does the right thing by his employees I guess!

[Astrid]

DH got into temping, which ended up being long term placements. Great money whilst working, but of course nothing when days off etc. Think he went through Integrated (could have changed names it has been 6 yrs). Got a great placement with Schweppes, it was hard work though. Best of luck for him!

[Marley&Me]

Thanks astrid!